Negatives: we cant figure out why the back of my knee hurts so damn bad.  I am having very sharp pains not just the hamstring graft site, but what feels like every single strand of fiber on the backside of my knee.

Its hard to stay motivated. I have been pretty depressed and the pain meds, the constant necessity to lie down, and the unquenchable thirst for sleep aren’t helping.

I still haven’t been able to master sleeping on my back, so I haven’t been sleeping much. Sleeping on my side usually results in a throbbing pain around th graft site. The ACL (and my new fake acl) has no nerve endings so i assume most of the pain revolves around the meniscus and the graft.

either way, life sucks. I wish it were summer, 2005.

Heres a picture from the 7th day, after the bandages and some of the stitches were taken out.

What I am trying to tell you people is that I need somewhere to write about this whole experience which has probably been the worst month of my life.

At this point, April 9th, I have completed 4 days of physical therapy at Richmond PT with Rick Herod who conveniently was in my dads class in school and his son was in mine.

Everything has been going along slowly.  With an injury like this it is millimeter by millimeter.

if you really want to know what they did to me.. watch this video:

I’m counting on the anti-histamine so I can breathe.
I’m choking on opinion. I’m coughing up conceit. Ha Ha Ha. Just try to throw that back at me!

That may not seem like that big of a deal, but thats a pretty monumental thing for me especially compared to the last few years of my life. These days, I honestly want to see people do well. I was watching the steelers game the other day with some friends and when a guy got tackled really hard, instead of laughing, I said “oh fuck!” and not in a condescending way. I think this might have to do with some general satisfaction with the direction my life has been going lately. Of course, like everyone else, I have my moments/days where I am a huge disappointment. All in all, though, i think I have grown by leaps in the last several years. My eyes have finally been open to what life means. Life to me means letting nature do what it does. But while i’m here, why not try to experience as much of it as possible and try to be happy while doing it. Being happy doesn’t mean working all day to buy some stupid TV that wont mean anything next month when the new version comes out and mine is obsolete. Friends, hobbies and experience. What makes you more happy? 1) A day at work 2) a day on your bicycle exploring a new city.

That question may seem sort of an extreme simplification of what it means to be alive, but think about it. It really isn’t.  Basically what i’m saying is “live more, work less”.

I’ve lived a pretty fortunate life, really. I’ve had the privilege of travel and been able to experience plenty of different cultures. I found a passion for understanding life through some fairly alternative learning which has lead me in some pretty awesome directions. Sure, I’ve failed miserably at plenty of things, and those things are what shaped me into what I am. I know I am a negative nancy sometimes, but really how can you not be. I’m not a taoist monk. I wouldn’t trade my darkest days for anything. They will always be a shadow and who is a person without a shadow.

I will do what I want, thanks.

And right now, I want to hang out in the woods and dig trails. That has sort of been my life lately. I go to school and think about being on my bike. I gave myself a four day weekend every weekend just so I could sit in the woods and dig, ride, or watch friends ride. School, home, and life have been pretty weird so I feel like I have buried myself down there to keep my mind away from everything that stresses me out. This winter is going to suck once its too wet and cold to work on them and ride.

Speaking of the trails, they have come a long fucking way in only a couple months. Lots of dudes have been shredding what is open right now though. Bob and everyone were throwing some huge stuff over the step-up on the Downers line. Steve, Mike and Kitt have been riding Speedway which is finally open. Speedway is a pretty gnarly line. It started off as this tiny little “lets keep it mellow” sort of line, and ended up pretty ridiculous once Mike got a hold of it.

Steve Crandall started work on a new line that I am really excited about as well. We’ve been putting some work into that and now that it has rained a couple times and the dirt is packed down some we can start to shape them a little more. Unfortunately, that rain definitely blew our hopes of being able to ride some other stuff that was almost ready.

Thats how it goes. Im glad we started working on these this fall. After this winter the jumps are going to be hard as rocks.

Can’t wait.

picture sponsored by fbmbmx.com

i’m in it so i’ll damn well use it.

Those were the words of the new president-elect Barack Hussein Obama II. Last night was a monumental time in our history. When we are old, we might be able to tell of how we watched when CNN first broke the news. We can tell our kids about the celebrations in the streets. And our children may be forced to memorize Obama’s speech. In the end, to me this election was one big FUCK YOU to the way things have been done in this nation for far too long. It is a “fuck you” to all the racists and the inbred-trash who refused to vote for him just because of the color of his skin. This election was a “fuck you” to our parents and to all the sheltered “american dream”er types around the nation, living in their suburbs where they can hide from the problems their politicians are making for all those who weren’t given the same chances. This election is the culmination of a different American dream.  The dream for people who can see the ruin of our nation and yet, still recognize its potential for a rebound. The victory of Barack Obama proved that the dice are still in the hands of Americans. John McCain is a great politician and has served this nation for most of his life. He has many loyal and devoted fans who although I do not agree with their vision, I can respect their determination. I can only hope that the service of our next president can help to open the eyes to the necessity of rebuilding our nation. It will be an exciting journey.